1/26/2005 10:53:00 AM   [ link ]

I was going through some old files on my computer, and I found something that I had written years ago. It was a series of statements to people in my life, telling each person how they made me feel or how they had hurt me. There were no names, each statement was simply directed at "You". It actually took some intense thought for me to recall who each one was meant for, which surprised me. I would have guessed that emotions as strong as the ones I described would stick in my mind a little better.

It was a nice exercise to remember, but I'm glad that I had forgotten.

1/25/2005 05:09:00 PM   [ link ]



1/24/2005 10:53:00 AM   [ link ]

it's supposed to work.

Him: *hic* ....
Him: *hic* ....
Me: Honey, when can we have a baby?
Him: ...WHAT?? -- *hic*
Me: I was trying to scare your hiccups away! ...Now why didn't that work??

(several hours later)

Me: *hic* ....
Me: *hic* ....
Him: Wow, look at those bags under your eyes!
Me: *hic* ....
Him: And the veins!!
Me: *hic* ....
Him: Damnit, that didn't work either!

1/24/2005 09:38:00 AM   [ link ]


I've been going rollerskating a few times lately. It's one of Mike's favorite things to do, so over the summer I started learning how to not fall and kill myself by circling around Forest Park with him. Now that it's winter, however, the park is no longer an option. So, we've been to a few skating rinks lately.

1) This one was exactly the way you remember your elementary school skating parties being. There were kids of all ages, and it was actually one kid's birthday party. When we got there, I said to Mike, "We are the only people in here who aren't either kids or parents." He said, "Yeah, except for that guy over there."

Oh. My. God.

I cannot even describe this guy. I'm gonna have to try, though, aren't I...? For starters, he was probably around 35 years old, and he was there all by himself. That's already a warning bell that you might not want him to be around your children. He lurked, creepily. He stared at people. He had this air about him as though he had been coming there every day for the past 25 years. Except if that were true, you might expect him to be a good skater. He wasn't. In fact, he hardly even skated the whole night, he mostly just practiced lurking. And I haven't even described his outfit yet!

- Camo hat and jacket.
- Huge thick glasses that gave him creepy frog eyes.
- Bizarre earrings.
- HAND PAINTED roller skates, complete with CLOUDS, and the classic color combination of TEAL and HOT PINK.

Just.......... wow.

2) Same rink, same night, this poor kid broke my heart.

He was a little bit chubby, probably the kid that everyone picks on. While other kids were doing fancy tricks on their oh-so-cool rollerblades, it was all he could do to keep his balance. His skating technique was inefficient and destined for failure -- a straight-legged waddle that makes it impossible to get momentum, and very easy to fall. I was sitting on the bleachers as he went by in front of me when - BAM!! - his feet flew out from under him and he landed flat on his back. "Oh no, are you OK?!" I said. He dragged himself up by the concrete barrier at the edge of the rink and looked at me, humiliated. "I just keep falling," he said. Then, brightly, "I guess I have to keep practicing!" He was so hopeful and good-natured. My heart was broken.

3) Different rink, different night. Total culture shock. This time, it wasn't even remotely like those school skating parties everyone remembers. It was 18 and up to even get in. There was a hip hop DJ. The cool people wore old school skates, never rollerblades. We were the only white people there. It felt like we were the only white people that had ever been there, for all of time. I was mesmerized. They danced, they floated. They moved to the music with complete effortlessness. Guys linked arms in pairs and threes, and coordinated their movement.

Dan: Did you guys have any idea this culture existed...?
the rest of us: ... [awed silence] ...

1/06/2005 03:07:00 PM   [ link ]

Sometimes I wish I was just a little bit more stable.

1/01/2005 11:10:00 PM   [ link ]

part III: indecisiveness.

All right, this is the last one. It has two parts, really.

a) Sometimes I have several concrete options, and I have trouble deciding between them.

b) Sometimes I have an infinite number of options ("Where should we go to dinner?") but suddenly my mind blanks out and I can't think of any options at all, and so I say "I dunno," and desperately hope I can trick someone else into deciding for me.

New Year's Resolution #3: STOP BEING LIKE THIS.

I guess my resolutions are pretty ambitious, taken all together. I've been working on the indecisiveness thing for a while now, especially the first part of it.

I encourage friends of mine to yell at me when I exhibit any behaviors detailed in these three posts. I will probably get insanely defensive, and secretly hate you a tiny bit. But I will also secretly thank you, and in the end it will be worth it, because I will be a lot nicer person to be around.